By: Hannah Baillie
Most people like working with perfectionists. They’re diligent, dedicated, and motivated to achieving the best possible result – whether that be in school, the workplace, sports, or artistic endeavours. These are the traits that lead us to success. They are what our teachers and our parents want to instill in us, so that we can achieve whatever we set our hearts to. It sounds like a pretty ideal trait to have. But what about the mental toll of perfectionism? What if all the dedication, determination, and motivation backfires? The result: burnout. And it is becoming more and more common.
Over the past few years, I’ve noticed a shift in our culture from a focus on “perfection” to other, more realistic, goals. For example, where I grew up hearing the phrase “practice makes perfect,” I now hear coaches saying, “practice makes consistent.” It is small changes like this that make me feel better about the next generation. But to truly change our habits, patterns, and ways of thinking, we’ll need to un-learn some of the harmful, perfectionistic lessons society has instilled in us and adopt a new way of thinking. One way of doing this is to shift your perspective from perfectionism to healthy striving.
Never heard of healthy striving? No problem, I’ll outline some of the key details here:
Set goals:
The difference between perfectionistic goals and healthy striving goals is subtle, but it makes a world of difference.
Set goals that are individual and attainable.
Your goals should be self-focused. The motivation for setting and achieving them should be for your own enjoyment and fulfillment, instead of pleasing a parent, boss, or coach.
Be present:
We’ve all heard variations of the quote “it’s not about the destination, but the journey you take to get there.” This is a core concept of healthy striving.
Reflect on your goals. Are you genuinely enjoying the process of reaching them? If so, great! This means you’ve set a good healthy striving goal.
Check in with yourself. If you are feeling frustrated, down, or drained, it may be time to choose a different goal.
Think sustainably:
Healthy striving is about finding a balance between where you want to be and where you are now. When proper goals are set, they should reduce anxiety and build self-esteem. A few questions you can ask yourself along your journey are:
Do your goals revolve around other people’s deadlines or expectations?
Is this goal truly important to you?
How are you feeling mentally and emotionally? If a goal is making you feel anxious, it may be time to re-evaluate.
Make mistakes:
Making mistakes is a perfectionist’s worst nightmare. But in healthy striving, mistakes are embraced as an inevitable part of the learning process.
Mistakes are an opportunity to re-evaluate your goal. Is it still realistic? Is it still important to you?
What have you learned from this mistake? Take note of it and file it away for later use.
If you are feeling down, try writing in a gratitude journal. Think about the positive outcomes of your mistake. Or, think about the events, things, or people in your life that you are most thankful for.
Changing your mindset from one that is fixated on perfectionism to one that is rooted in healthy striving can improve mental health and leave you feeling less burnt out. These kinds of behaviour changes are hard to make, but the end result is worth the effort. Take a moment to think of the people in your life who could use this advice. Maybe it’s a teammate, sibling, or friend. Maybe it’s you. As you interact with these people, try to emulate the healthy striving behaviours noted above. After all, leading through our actions is part of creating a healthier, happier next generation.