Written by Christine Wincentaylo, General Member
Having a friend with a chronic illness can be challenging to navigate, but there are ways to support your friend(s) who are suffering from an illness.
But before that let us take a look at some statistics to better understand the health of Canadians.
“45.1% of Canadians lived with at least one major chronic disease in 2021.”
“Almost 2.5 million Canadians reported unmet health care needs in 2021” (Statistics Canada 2023, para.2)
Now take a look at the ideas below to support your friends best!
#1 Understanding what Ableism and Disablism mean.
Ableism - The practices and beliefs within society that devalue and limit the potential of persons with disabilities.
Disablism - Assumptions and practices that create unequal treatment of people because of disabilities (actual or presumed).
#2 Avoiding forced positivity (toxic positivity)
Have you ever felt that you didn’t know what to say after your friend told you about their struggles?
Examples of toxic positivity to steer clear of:
Everything happens for a reason
You will be fine
It could be worse
When people use toxic positivity as their default response, people are something you will need to be self-aware of when having conversations with your friends. Toxic positivity can make people feel invalidated and can make people deny their experiences, which can also create stress which can generate flare-ups for some people with chronic illnesses.
Basically, steer clear of using phrases that come across as toxic positivity.
#3 Having empathy
Saying things like: “I am sorry, I can’t imagine how difficult that can be,” or simply, “I’m sorry”. If you don’t know how to help your friend, it never hurts to just ask and see their response. Even if we don’t have an answer, it’s the thought that counts, and its a process to navigate friendship when people experience chronic illnesses, so being patient is so vital.
#4 Giving validation
By showing interest and support in our journey, letting us know it's okay not to be okay, and being an active listener. When we need our friends to listen to us, we aren’t asking for unsolicited advice, but rather someone to listen to our experiences and difficulties, which better helps us understand ourselves.
#5 Offer practical help
As a friend, it can be beneficial for you to talk to us about what we are struggling with in our day-to-day activities so that you can provide help in whatever form that may look like for us. Provided help may be grabbing groceries or helping with chores around our house. Offer solutions you can give and commit to, and if we refuse your help, accept our choice and move on from the conversation.
#6 Staying in Touch
At the starting stage of getting a diagnosis of a chronic illness, it may be difficult for your friend, but they will likely want to connect and talk again at some stage. So, find the balance between giving us space and keeping in touch.
#7 Include them & Accept the situation
Similar to #6, invite us to events and gatherings; even if we decline, it makes us feel included and helps us have a sense of belonging. At the same time, it can be a complex process, accepting our illness and not feeling hurt when we don't answer texts for days or weeks or decline to out. We might be tired, at the hospital, or had a flare-up, so understanding our situation is helpful.
Hopefully, these tips will help you feel better prepared and confident to support a friend with a chronic illness and inspire others to do so!
References
https://creakyjoints.org/support/how-to-support-someone-with-chronic-illness/