By Dabin Lee
As someone who has been a teen recently, I can say that nobody has familiarized me with the idea of loving myself or having confidence in who I am. Only recently have I been able to embrace my identity and form a healthy relationship with myself. For this reason, I will share with you some tips for finding self-love that I have collected from my experience as a growing teenager.
Be forgiving
The mistakes that you make, your imperfections, and your insecurities are merely a window to show how human you are. We often forget that we are imperfect humans and aren’t robots, programmed to carry out tasks for days without a flaw. Staying motivated every day and checking off all the squares on our to-do list can be a satisfying feeling, but realistically, we all have days where it is tiring to push through even the simplest of tasks. On days like this, I simply repeat back something my friend told me, “Dabin, you only have 24 hours a day, a quarter already used sleeping, so why are you trying to fit in a schedule for a 36-hour day into 24 hours? Stop beating yourself up. Take a break.”, so please stop tearing yourself down and be kind to yourself.
Stop the comparison
There is a never-ending cycle of ambition and comparison in our society that is almost inevitable to avoid, since our human nature is to be successful. We all want to be glorious and shining, and when we see others having their moment, we easily compare our situation to the few glimpses of other people’s lives. Comparing your path and outcomes to someone else who has a different life and developed a different mindset is a destructive path to losing yourself. Like Iyanla Vanzant once said, “Comparing yourself to others is an act of violence to your authentic self.”
Be aware of the people you surround yourself with
Don’t be afraid to release yourself from toxic people that emit negative energy and bring you down. At first it may be a scary experience, but you will grow from it and learn to avoid people like that next time. Not every relationship lasts forever and holding onto negative people only dampens your energy.
Face them
Loving yourself does not only include accepting your weaknesses and downfalls but also having the courage to strive for a better version of yourself every day. Feeling afraid, anxious, and uncomfortable is a common human trait; instead of avoiding the issue, leaving your comfort zone to understand and alleviate the fear-evoking problem is an effective method to overcoming mental barriers.
Stop limiting your emotions
As a person who has had a happy and carefree childhood, any sadness or anger as a child dispersed quickly with minimal effects. Entering my final year of high school, everything changed. The elevated academic significance and the weight of choosing a path for my future loaded me with stress and anxiety. Being inexperienced with prolonged unhappiness, I doubted my feelings and felt horrible for not being happy. With time, I’ve learned that emotions don’t require justification and judging yourself by which feelings are appropriate will only destroy you. Feeling sorrow, rage, and nervousness are all natural human emotions. Sometimes, some of these uncomfortable emotions may stay with us for longer than we would like, but with time, we will naturally find unique coping mechanisms that work. During periods like this, let yourself indulge in strong, negative emotions and stop worrying if it's right or wrong. Just like how you don’t love your parents for a day and forget about the undefined love that exists in your relationship, giving love to yourself is a continuous progress that needs regular practice and awareness.